Katy
- Aug 23
- 4 min read

10 Self-Care Tips for the Trailing Spouse

Moving to a new country can bring a mix of emotions, from the thrill of adventure to the stress of leaving behind your familiar life. If you are an expat who has moved abroad to enable your significant other to take advantage of a work opportunity in another country, then you belong to the vast community of trailing spouses across the globe. Your experience as a trailing spouse is uniquely difficult and as a result you might experience trailing spouse syndrome, a set of symptoms commonly felt by those in this situation. As a trailing spouse it's doubly important for you to look after your mental health to ensure the success of your family's endeavour. Here are some essential self-care tips to help you thrive as a trailing spouse.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

It’s perfectly normal to feel a range of emotions when adjusting to a new environment. You might experience loneliness, frustration, or even resentment at times. Acknowledge these feelings instead of brushing them aside. Journaling can be a powerful way to process your thoughts and emotions, giving you clarity and a sense of control over your mental state. Don't forget to add gratitude to the beginning and hope to the end of each entry to help ground yourself and focus on the positives. If journaling isn't for you, reach out to friends or family to talk about how you're doing. It's also a good idea to talk to your husband or partner, they likely know when something's off, so being open can avoid stress and prevent blow-ups.

Establish a Routine

One of the biggest challenges I faced as a trailing spouse, is the sudden lack of structure. This is especially true for those who have left their own career back home. Establishing a daily routine can give you a sense of purpose and stability. Start your day with activities that ground you, like morning walks, meditation, or a nutritious breakfast. Having a set routine helps in reducing anxiety and keeps you focused on the present. I found that if I follow the same process each day (get up, open the curtains, make the bed, have breakfast...) by the time I've finished, I feel alert and ready to start the rest of the day and I don't need to think about it, it just happens.

Stay Connected with Loved Ones

I know I talk about this a lot in my posts, but maintaining connections with friends and family back home is vital for your mental health. Regular video calls, messaging, or even writing letters can help you feel less isolated. These connections serve as a reminder that you have a support system, even from afar. Try scheduling a regular call with a friend, it's surprising that often the distance can actually bring you closer together. I expect it's because you spend the time in meaningful conversation instead of chatting nonsense in a noisy pub.

Seek Out New Social Circles

While staying connected to home is important, it’s equally crucial to build a new social network in your new environment. Join expat groups, attend local community events, or enrol in classes that interest you. Creating new friendships will provide you with a support system that understands your current situation and can offer advice or simply be there to listen. Another benefit to this is to get out the house I can't tell you how important it is to get out and about as a trailing spouse, it really lifts you up.

Embrace the Local Culture

Diving into the local culture can be incredibly enriching and can also distract you from feelings of homesickness. Remind yourself that you're on an adventure. Learn the language, try local foods, and participate in cultural events.

Prioritize Your Physical Health

Your physical health directly impacts your mental well-being. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are non-negotiables. Consider activities that also promote relaxation, like yoga or tai chi, which can help manage stress and keep you grounded. If you've moved to a hot climate, don't forget to drink more water as dehydration can disrupt your equilibrium.

Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation are powerful tools for maintaining mental health, especially during periods of change. Even just a few minutes a day can help reduce stress, improve focus, and enhance your overall well-being. These practices allow you to stay present and centred, no matter how chaotic life may feel.

Set Personal Goals

Having personal goals outside of your spouse’s career can provide you with a sense of achievement and fulfilment. Whether it’s learning a new skill, pursuing a hobby, or volunteering, setting and working towards personal goals can boost your self-esteem and give your days purpose. Working with a coach can really help you gain clarity and direction.

Accept Help When Needed

Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you’re struggling to adjust. Talking to a therapist or a coach who specializes in expat transitions can provide you with the tools and support needed to navigate your new life. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Check out my homepage where you can claim your FREE Expat Life Workbook to start you off with goal setting and intentional work towards your dream life abroad.

Practice Self-Compassion

Finally and most importantly, be kind to yourself. It’s easy to be hard on yourself if things don’t go as planned or you're feeling unproductive or lost, but remember that adjusting to a new life is a process that takes time. Celebrate your small victories every day and allow yourself grace on the tougher days. It's ok to feel down-in-the-dumps from time to time and wonder where it all went wrong, but adjusting to life abroad is hard and takes time.