As an expat life coach, I've seen first-hand the unique challenges and rewards that come with living abroad. One of the most significant aspects of this journey is maintaining a happy and healthy relationship with your spouse. The additional strain placed upon the relationship during such a life change can be severe, and feelings of resentment can build on both parts, causing discontent in an otherwise strong partnership. In this post, I'll share with you some strategies to help you maintain a happy and healthy relationship as an expat spouse, following your move abroad.
Embrace Communication
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and it's even more crucial when you're navigating the expat life. If you can express yourself calmly and clearly without negative emotions getting in the way, you will be in a prime position to give each other the support you both need. Make it a priority to discuss your feelings, expectations, and concerns openly and honestly. Set aside time each day to check in with each other, even if it's just for a few minutes. It's also useful to discuss your goals and aspirations together regularly. This helps you remain on the same page with regards to your life and strategies for growth together. Remember, it's not just about talking but also about listening and understanding each other's perspectives.
Cultivate Shared Experiences
Building new memories together can strengthen your bond. Explore your new surroundings, try local or new cuisines, attend cultural events or get a premium seat at the cinema, or learn the language together. You could even try a new sport together - if you're living in France, try your hand at Petanque, or if you're in Dubai, have a game of golf or Padel together. These shared experiences create a sense of unity and adventure, helping you both feel more connected and less isolated in a foreign land.
Maintain Individual Interests
While shared activities are essential, it's equally important to maintain your individual interests and hobbies. Encourage each other to pursue personal passions, whether it's a solo trip, a new hobby, or a professional development course. If you don't already have a particular interest, this is the perfect time to try some new things. Do some research and find local workshops or trial sessions are available, or even join a club. This balance between togetherness and individuality ensures that you both continue to grow and bring new experiences into your relationship.
Set Realistic Expectations
Living abroad comes with its share of challenges, from culture shock to homesickness and loneliness. It's essential to set realistic expectations for yourselves and each other. Understand that there will be ups and downs, and that's perfectly normal. Be patient and give yourselves the grace to adjust at your own pace. Another issue to consider is that you may need different support from each other at different times throughout your adjustment period. Compassion goes a long way and it's important to remember that your experience of settling in will likely differ. It's ok to ask your spouse for compassion too, as it's easy to forget to show it and they may need a reminder from time to time.
Build a Support Network
One of the best ways to maintain a healthy relationship is to have a strong support network. Connect with other expat couples, join local clubs or organizations, and participate in community events. Having friends who understand your experiences can provide much-needed support and a sense of belonging. When I moved to Dubai, I found the most useful way to meet people was to attend classes (for me this was art) where I met others with similar interests. One of the most important things to do though, once you have met someone you connect with, is to keep in touch with them. It's very easy to lose momentum with a new connection - be the one to reach out and arrange a follow-up meeting.
Prioritize Quality Time
In the hustle and bustle of adapting to a new country, it's easy to let quality time with your spouse slip through the cracks. Make a conscious effort to prioritize time together. Plan regular date nights, weekend getaways, or simply enjoy a quiet evening at home. I like to cook a special meal and light a candle at the dinner table to make the evening meaningful. Another great way to add togetherness into your week is to engage in side by side activities (not involving mobile phones) such as reading a book on the sofa, or cooking together. These moments of connection are vital for maintaining intimacy and closeness in your relationship.
Get Physical
Of course, making time for sex and intimacy is vital, but that's not where I'm going with this one. When you are engrossed in your daily routines and the stress of life takes over, it can be easy to allow intimacy to take a back seat. Intentionally taking a moment to have a hug them, squeeze their hand or shoulder as your walking past, or giving them a kiss goodbye as they are leaving the house, releases "feel good" hormones for both of you. What's more, it's likely that the more you give, you will start seeing them reciprocate, leaving you both feeling better and adding extra closeness to your relationship.
Practice Self-Care
Taking care of your own well-being is crucial for the health of your relationship. Ensure that both you and your spouse are practicing self-care, whether it's through exercise, meditation, hobbies, or social activities. Even drinking a cup of tea with peace in mind can be very relaxing. Being sure to thank each other for the things you do for each other and for the home is a great way to show you appreciate each other and can help prevent resentment building. When you feel good about yourself, you're better equipped to contribute positively to your relationship.
Seek Professional Help if Needed
If you find that you're struggling to maintain a happy and healthy relationship despite your best efforts, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Counselling or coaching can provide valuable tools and perspectives to help you navigate your challenges and strengthen your bond. It's a great way to ensure you are meeting each other's needs and giving support to each other however this is needed.
Maintain a Happy and Healthy Relationship as an Expat Spouse
Remember, being an expat spouse is a unique and rewarding journey. By embracing communication, cultivating shared experiences, and prioritizing each other's well-being, you can maintain a happy and healthy relationship as an expat spouse that thrives no matter where in the world you are.
Expat Coaching is a great way to help you both get clear on your priorities for the move, set mutual agreements with each other and take action towards the relationship you want and the life you want in your new home. Interested?
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