As a child-free trailing spouse, you’re navigating a unique path that often feels overshadowed by societal norms and expectations. While others around you may be balancing careers, children, and a busy expat lifestyle, you may find yourself feeling misplaced or uncertain about your own role. This experience can bring its own set of challenges, that are often underestimated or overlooked. Today, I want to address some of these unique struggles and offer you guidance on how to find your purpose and satisfaction in your expat life.
The Guilt Over Financial Dependence
One of the most common feelings you might experience is guilt over financial dependence. When you move to support your partner’s career, it often means giving up your own job or career prospects. Suddenly, you find yourself dependent on someone else for financial support. A situation you might not have foreseen or wanted. It can feel uncomfortable, especially if you were used to being financially independent back home.
But here’s the thing: your contribution to the partnership doesn’t diminish just because you’re not currently earning a salary. Supporting your partner through this transition, managing the household, and building a new life abroad is an invaluable role, not to mention time consuming and stressful. You are providing the emotional and logistical support that is crucial for your partner’s success, even if it doesn’t come with a monetary reward. Recognising the ways in which you are contributing to your expat partnership can be a powerful first step toward easing that guilt.
The Struggle with Productivity and Purpose
Without the external structure of a job or the busyness of raising children, you might find it difficult to fill your days with meaningful activities. There’s an immense societal pressure to be productive and have something to show for your efforts. This pressure can lead to feelings of inadequacy, as you question whether you’re making the most of this chapter in your life.
Productivity, however, doesn’t have to be measured in the traditional sense. While it's important to explore hobbies, interests, or even remote work opportunities, your purpose doesn't have to align with conventional productivity standards. It’s about finding what fulfils you, what gives you joy, and what makes your expat experience rich and meaningful. This could mean investing in personal growth and learning, taking up new skills, volunteering, or simply allowing yourself to take in the new surroundings without the burden of productivity expectations.
The Guilt of ‘Not Contributing’
Another layer of guilt comes from the comparison trap. You might look around and see other trailing spouses juggling childcare, managing busy households, and contributing in ways you feel you cannot. It’s easy to believe that, because you don’t have children to care for, your challenges are somehow less valid or that you aren’t contributing as much to your expat community.
However, your journey is yours alone. You contribute to your relationship, your community, and your environment in different ways. Embracing your role as a child-free spouse can give you the freedom to pursue passions, support your partner, and engage with the world around you in ways that those with other responsibilities may not have the opportunity to do. Your contributions are not less significant—they are simply different.
Guilt for not being eternally grateful that you don't HAVE to work
During the moving process, you might have experienced relief at the prospect of not having to work any more - especially if you were feeling particularly stressed or burnt-out back home. But after a while, your ambition starts to creep in and, lacking the challenges you get from working, you become restless and start to experience "boreout" (a state of chronic boredom). This leads to the guilt - your partner or husband goes out to work each day and you feel like you aught to be grateful that you don't have to - but the truth is, you're not.
Finding Your Own Path as a Child-Free Trailing Spouse
Being a child-free trailing spouse allows you the flexibility to create a lifestyle that is tailored to your needs and aspirations. The challenge is to redefine productivity, purpose, and contribution on your own terms. You are not alone in feeling these struggles, and it’s perfectly okay to acknowledge and make peace with them.
Your experience as a child-free spouse is unique, and it comes with the potential for immense personal growth. Embracing that potential starts with shedding the guilt and focusing on what truly brings you happiness and a sense of fulfilment.
Ready to Find Your Purpose?
If you’re ready to take steps toward finding your own path and creating a fulfilling life abroad, I’m here to support you. Join my expat coaching programme where we will work together to redefine your purpose, build a routine that suits your lifestyle, and banish the feelings of guilt that are holding you back. Let's turn your experience as a child-free trailing spouse into an empowering journey. Reach out today, and let's get started.
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